Friday, January 6, 2012
Motivations
I don't want to write this. You probably don't want to read it. There are other things to do. I have a good book I want to get back to. I want to go home and lie down for a nap. I could go for a run. Anything but write my 750 words today. I'm just not in the mood for it.
And yet...
I'm writing 750 words in part because i don't want to throw away the work I have done heretofore. I have built up a streak of just short of 90 days and I want to continue it. I could choose not to write but I know that tomorrow I would be disappointed, feel defeated, and it would be harder to get back into it. The streak, for the moment, holds me to the task.
Sometimes that's what I need. An outside/inside motivation. No one is going to punish me if I don't write these words. In fact, I'm not sure anyone would notice. That's not me looking for compliments (gee, Brian, we sure would miss it if you didn't write every single day!), it's just that I publish at different times throughout the day and anyone looking for the posts wouldn't be surprised not to find one. I'm not getting paid for this so it's not like I would lose money if I didn't publish. All I have is the streak, but today that is enough.
I've run at least 5K every day so far this year. That would sound a hell of a lot more impressive if today weren't January 6th. Still, the streak of running just four days in a row got me out the door yesterday for 3.1 miles. It will likely get me out the door again today. I will have to take a real rest day at some point, probably, but right now I don't want to take one. I've set myself to running every day this week. I have an idea to run every day this month. And, yeah, I'll admit that I have a dream of running all 366 days of this year. It's good to have a dream.
When I last wrote about streaks I talked about how the streak can become more important than the act itself. That writing 750 words every day becomes more important than having something to say. That running every day becomes more important than enjoying the runs. But yesterday's run, which I did mostly out of service to the streak, felt great. Every step of it. I'm not kidding. That includes the monster incline of Euclid just two blocks in (before I was warmed up) and the last steps before I stopped my watch at Starbucks to have coffee with Stephanie. And this writing, which I was dreading and did only because repairing this streak would take me into early April, has been good for me. It has gotten me to think of the other side of streaking (don't worry, I still have my clothes on; I mean the other kind of streaking) which is that it is good discipline. It's a better carrot and stick than a carrot or a stick can be.
I've developed an internal habit of writing each day. I knew that if I hadn't written now, I would have written later tonight. My fear is that I would have stumbled onto something much more interesting then, but such is life. Running is not nearly as internal. I like to run, but I love to write. I can't imagine letting a day go by without putting words on paper or screen. No, really, I can't imagine it. I don't think I have had a day like that in ten years. I wrote on the days my children were born, albeit briefly. I wrote on my wedding day. I have wrote on the day after my neck surgery.
This streak of writing 750 and publishing is much newer for me. It's easy because I write so damn much anyway. 300,000+ words so far on this site, three composition notebooks full since September, probably a couple 100,000 words elsewhere. Running is newer for me and running on a streak is also newer. I'm still worried that the streak will take over from the joy. I'm going to have to be on guard about that. And I know just how to be on guard: I'll keep running every day, keep assessing myself with each step, and, you guessed it, I'll write on all about it.
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I wrote a post for every day last year. This year, the plan is to run each day for at least 10 minutes. Plus, somewhere in the Spring and in the Fall there will be marathons.
ReplyDeleteThere were days last year, where the writing happened without joy. They'd all fit on one hand, but they were there and seemed innumerable when I was in them. I have no doubt running will throw the same feeling at me. Still, there is something to be appreciated in the doing of the thing I do not want to do or that hits the part of my brain that squirms away like a 5-year-old child.
Both last year and this, I picked things that are core to who I am. I am a runner, and I am a writer. It seemed to me I would much better understand those things by doing them over and over, by living inside the act.
Though you didn't want to write it, I'm glad you did.
I know the power of a running streak and agree that it can be a powerful incentive to get off your butt and run, when you may not have. However, I am not a proponent of streaking, as you said a running streak can take on a life of its own and you run on days when it would have been better to have gotten some. rest.
ReplyDeleteI got caught up in the holiday streak that R/W started before Turkey day and had over 20 days done, my body couldn't maintain and I was get sore and tired, running was becoming something I had to do instead of wanting to do. I attribute that change in attitude to streaking.
Some people do just fine streaking, others are like me and don't. Streaking is an individual choice, some are able to streak, others are not.
Streaking is not a good or bad thing they just are, it is more about how people view them and the attitudes of the people who are doing them. Are they humble about their achievement or in your face "I did this - you aren't? attitude. I have encountered both and the latter bothers me, while the first makes me want to support the person doing it.
Enjoy your running streak Brian and I hope it is a long one, because I know you and which attitude you will have. :-)
Harold
:-)
The running streak ended twelve days in, but that's just the daily streak and I'm actually grateful to have it out of the way. Oddly, twelve days was enough to get the idea of running a lot more stuck in my head. I've done 75 miles this month which is my second highest total ever and it's only mid-month. I'm happy with where things are in terms of running, but I'm even happier with the way things are going in my mind. I just feel like something clicked and I have something special happening.
ReplyDeleteStreaks are useful so long as they don't get in the way. I think that's what I wrote. I'm awfully glad that as soon as the streak started to get in the way, I ditched it.
Thank you for the comments.